A Reflection on Van Siclen Ave

I ascend the stairs to the platform when I see her, our souls unite in the flash of a glance as she heads towards the platform on the other side. I don’t know, but I feel it she’s the one, the only one, and now all that separates us is a torrent of electricity, abyss, and steel. We sit across from each other on opposite ends of the platform quietly making eye contact when we suspect the other isn’t looking. I wonder to myself am I enough? Do I possess enough…items, skills, character…to justify calling out to her, to be with her…Stirring the silence the distant squeals of metal and pneumatic gas stretch closer.  I wonder if she wonders about me. Then another walks across my side of the platform…Some exotic beauty, a frightful frame shaped by desire…She eyes me pretentiously as she walks past. I can feel my other’s eyes pressed against my soul…I can feel her aching for me not to look at the dazzling pair of legs that just walked past…it’s a test, a trial, a crucible…one I inevitably fail, I steal a glance and immediately feel unbound from her…I look across to my now lost love desperately…She doesn’t reciprocate, she just stares modestly into the horizon calculating the distance of her train.  The sound of steel is louder now, my train is closer. I feel wracked with guilt as I watch my lover subconsciously tap her boot on the ground in contempt of my betrayal of her.  She probably thinks to herself “I thought you were the one, I thought you were different from every other guy I’ve ever known…” “I am different!” I implore, “I’m not like them…” But in truth, I’ve only managed to convince myself I’m not. Dust stirs and warm air washes over me, the growl of steel crescendos to a roar…my train is here and yet my life is there…I board…the steel trembles…and I’m off towards some lost future without my love.

A Reflection on The Nature of Evocation

Perhaps the most attractive women to me are the ones who are most unlike me, but who share some of the same interests. I prize most physicality and creativity. When it comes to attraction I do not want to be understood by another version of myself, but rather by a being who understands the Earth in ways I do not. Because people are worlds onto themselves aren’t they…Maybe if I share her space she will evoke from me another aspect of myself that I have never known. It’s a fascinating idea that another human can call into being parts of your nature formerly unknown, hopefully for the best. This constant evocation of self begins when we are young.  The world is so full of wonder we invest fully in moments and allow ourselves to be sculpted by astonishment. Aging dulls this considerably because the things that seemed so amazing can readily be explained. But another person can never be fully explained can they? You can always rely on another person to restructure your vision, providing clarity. Why not seek out the depth in your antithesis, you may in turn find a hidden dimension of yourself.
“Please see me, please find me, please call me forth from recesses of long lost body and mind.”

A Reflection on The Fleetingness of Human Experience

Curiosity

There’s something to be said about being human. It’s a real struggle for me, on the one hand I know that the sole reason for my existence is to hone my understanding of all the natural world, Space, Time, and all. Yet I am severely handicapped by being trapped inside this bag of blood and bones they call a human. All these trivial things stand in the way of perfect knowledge, interactions, friends, distractions, families, emotions, mortality, life.

Still being human is not without it’s merits.

It’s quite a singular experience feeling the wintry gale crack against your frame as the sun bares down on the suppleness of your skin while you absentmindedly hurry towards some urgently menial task.

It’s such an arresting moment to feel your tenuous grip of a lover slip away as they break your heart with naught but a trite excuse and a guilty smile.

To marvel at the majesty of wood’s touch, or perhaps feel mortified by the thought of the impending “great robot uprising” (or other such unfeasible global tragedy) , even for one such as myself is all quite appealing.

I cherish it, I cherish it all, in greatest pleasure, in greatest pain.
Apathy is oblivion.

Despite the fact that I’ve a fool’s errand (for I will never be able to comprehend the whole of time and space with a mere human brain) it will certainly be fun to see how far I get…the distractions are bound to liven up this undertaking. Fate be sure to shake things up.

Go get wrapped up in the world.

Signed,
The Wayfarer

A Reflection on Entanglement

Maybe it was in the first moments, at the very genesis of time; when all matter was infinitely dense, when all space was of quantum scale. Perhaps it was in the fire of the first spark, that set all to motion…I was bound to you. Tides of fate twisted me against your trajectory. Yet across an endless expanse of stars and dust, beneath the silence of churning entropy, through the deepest annals of time…you compel me. Your light defines me.

A Reflection on Ennui

I’m tired.
I try to proclaim my identity but am drowned in a deluge of other personhoods.
No one knows me, my loudest yells are mere whispers…
No one notices me.
I am lost.
I am alone.
I am afraid.
But no one cares.
I try to bury my sadness but it seeps through the cracks of my character. Sometimes people take notice and tell me things will get better.
But they never do.
I’m being consumed by “it” but I can’t give it form with my words…my mind can’t give “it” shape.
The bonds of life weigh heavy…
On my shoulders…
my back…
and chest…
Please help me.
Sleep seems salvation.

I don’t need a savior…I just need someone to share the silence with me.
Please know that I am here.

A Reflection on Apotheosis

Let my name ring on forever.
Let skin, flesh, and bone remain weathered as timeless stone.
Let my ideas take shape,
Mold Earth’s crust to mine design, Fell trees, as birds flock free,
Fear Me.
Mind mold matter.
Let Me be free.
Bow…before…Me,
Time.
One last breath, one last rhyme.
Desperation,
Words grant Me,
Immortality.
Never forget Me.
Invention, Transcension, Resurrection.
I consign skyline and skyscraper shape…Me.
Fragile as the wind blows, life do not leave…Me…
Please biology.
With what little I’ve left,
be…with…Me…
Your glory…
Redeem, Me.

A True Reflection on Desire

All I’ve ever wanted, is for someone to not give up on me.

I pray to God that it be you…

You draw my eyes in for exorbitant amounts of time…
When our gaze connects, you beckon me to a place where I feel myself drowning.
But I want it, I want more…
I want to drink you in…but I know Its a fools errand trying to consume your vastness.
I fear when I say I love you, you’ll never fully comprehend.
Your perfume is the allure of the promised land.
I need your caress.
I need to feel your breath against my ear as you whisper to me timeless words of lust.
I need your nails to grip me tight like roots to soil. Like voice from soul.
Wrap me tight in your embrace, I need it, I need it…

Let me lose myself in you.

Finding the perfect words to describe you will be my fitting end.
Your nose is tapered to the perfect bend.
Your lips are etched in purest porcelain.
You’re parents were absolute artisans.
Your skin drives me to staggered kneed salvation.
You are my every truth…my liberation.

A Reflection on Who I Am

I am the observer.
The one who peers deep into space and time and finds myself reflected.
I am the reminder of life.
The testament to existence.
I deny nihilism.
I speak to you from a voice timeless. I embrace you with a form boundless.
I am seated quietly behind your consciousness.
You don’t need to know my name.

You are always free to borrow my genius…Return it to the world gently…

A Reflection on The Nature of Black

Black is neither emptiness nor ugliness.
Black is simply boundless depth married to mystery.
Black embraces all, invites all to silence and stillness.
Black is never truly content, yet is never a glutton.
Black cannot be nothingness, for even if all the stars of heaven should fade, and all were wrapped in it’s embrace; the complexity of the universe’s structure would belie the ignorance of those who stared through the telescope and saw nothing.

A Reflection on Video Games

We seek the living narrative, words on page, paint on canvas, light on screen is not enough. We love video games because they are the closest form of wish fulfillment. An exploration of morality without consequence. To live another’s life my consciousness must transcend dimensions to world writ with polygons and vector algebra. A world where words, paint, and light all find their home.
Let me be the man I could never afford to be.
Let me live the life of characters bold, from legend and lore.
Walk their path…that I might find my own.